Dating 101

Dating 101

I used to think I was the only person in the world who disliked the dating process but recently I’ve been meeting people who share my exact feelings towards this very awkward phase of life. The whole thing just stresses me out. Getting to know someone new or old, asking questions and sharing your life knowing that everything you say will and can be used against you, it’s extremely uncomfortable. Well I’m officially sick of it…kinda. Not because I’m a serial dater or anything but because the whole idea of getting to know someone and not knowing if they have the right intentions is just draining.

So, what makes it draining you might ask… well my issue is the lack of sincerity and the pretense. I wish people would just be 100% vulnerable and honest all the time. Like let’s imagine what dating and relationships would look like if we didn’t care to sell ourselves to a potential boo but instead were just 100% honest. What’s the point of providing a false impression of yourself while trying to get to know someone else? How exactly does that help either of you?

Also, what’s your reason for even dating in the first place? The lack of being intentional just seriously blows my mind. I do not understand why people waste their time wasting time. If you’re not interested… keep it moving. If you don’t know what you want… keep it moving. Don’t go searching for a job you’re not ready to have.

The thing is, I think dating should be more like an interview and less like elections. Imagine yourself as a fortune 500 company looking to hire a CEO. You want someone who is qualified for the job but also open to learning about and effectively running your company. On the other hand, like the elections, we act like politicians who say the right things and make empty promises trying to convince everyone else that we’re the “right choice.”  We should be looking for the best person to achieve our goals with not convincing somebody that we’re worth their time.

Trying to sell yourself to another person should never be the goal in dating. Dating just to date and hanging out should not be the goal in dating. Dating should lead to marriage and why you marry is more important than who you marry. There should be a purpose for your marriage and I believe dating should be the process we use to find who will help us achieve our why.

Find your why and God will help you find the Who!

Lots of love!

-MzB

Questions that need answers….

Questions that need answers….

Would you or wouldn’t you… fill in the blank!

So lately many questions have been coming up that I honestly believe need answers. When I talk to my friends and family members about these topics, people shrivel up and stop talking…. so now i’m asking you! Let’s answer these together 🙂 . I will post each question on my Instagram story in a daily poll and share the feedback… so follow me!

  1. Separate accounts in a marriage… yes or no?
  2. Adopt or foster… yes or no?
  3. Change your appearance because bae isn’t feeling it…. yes or no?
  4. Date someone of a different race… yes or no?
  5. Move for bae… yes or no?
  6. Discuss sex… not encounters… with your friends… yes or no?
  7. Discuss relationships with your friends… yes or no?
  8. Talk to your parents about relationships… yes or no?
  9. Share your dreams, goals, plans with friends… yes or no?
  10. Cook for a boyfriend or girlfriend… yes or no?
  11. Clean a boyfriend or girlfriend’s place…yes or no?
  12. Sex before marriage… let be real… yes or no?
  13. Lend money to friends or family… yes or no?
  14. Stop paying tithe because your spouse isn’t down with that… yes or no?
  15. Ladies… date a shorter guy… yes or no?
  16. Ladies… date a younger guy… yes or no?
  17. Fellas… date a taller lady….yes or no?
  18. Fellas… date an older lady… yes or no?
  19. End a friendship with someone if bae (not husband or wife) doesn’t like the person…. yes or no?
  20. Start working out if bae thinks you’re “too thick”… yes or no?
  21. Date someone with kids… yes or no?
  22. Date someone who is divorced… yes or no?
  23. Tell a friend their bae is cheating (dating)…yes or no?
  24. Tell a friend their spouse is cheating… yes or no?
  25. Date a friend’s ex… yes or no?
  26. Pray on a date…yes or no?
  27. Date someone of a different religion… yes or no?
  28. Remain friends with an ex… yes or no?
  29. Cohabitate before marriage… yes or no?
  30. Cry at work or in class.. yes or no?

Don’t forget follow me on Instagram to see what other people think! Share your questions with #MzBQuestions or DM me.

Leave your comments below. If you have any confidential questions or comments, you can message me privately!

-Lots of love ❤

MzB

Wedding Planner… yay or nay ?

Wedding Planner… yay or nay ?

WP

One of the most important days in any woman’s life is her wedding day! This day is one that many have thought about for sooo long while others just wing it and enjoy it when the time comes. Where do you fall…? Have you been planning your big day since you were five… or are you like me, ready to get it over with and just enjoy the marriage? Many people enjoy all the intricacies of planning a wedding while others would gladly have someone else do it. I definitely fall into the latter. Yes, I’m a wedding planner who does not want to plan her own wedding.

As a wedding planner I guess my response to this question would be somewhat biased, but even if I wasn’t, I would always say Yay!!! Why do all that work when you could have someone who enjoys the process, have fun making your dream a reality?? I understand that wedding planning is intimate and very special, but if you could get someone else to use their expertise while you prepare to do life with a stranger, why wouldn’t you?

For many wedding planners, engagement season is when all the fun begins for us. Meeting new clients, venue outings, talking to vendors and beginning the planning process can be extremely exciting but it’s also means time to get to work. From building new client portfolios to booking clients, the organized chaos begins! So if we enjoy this “organized chaos”, why would so many brides choose to do it themselves? I don’t know but I have a few ideas:

  1. They are CRAZY, lol
  2. They enjoy this organized chaos
  3. They are CRAZY, no but really 🙂
  4. They suffer from I can do it on my own syndrome
  5. They think it would be fun
  6. They have Nobody will accurately execute what is my brain syndrome
  7. They have control issues
  8. They are DIY queens!
  9. They just genuinely enjoy planning things.
  10. The cost doesn’t justify the services provided

I’m a wedding planner and I know it is a fun adventure from meeting the bride to watching everything come to life. The idea of helping someone plan, execute and celebrate their special day brings joy to my heart. Unlike many planners, I do not necessarily have a price list because I am open to customizing something just for my clients. Depending on your budget, I will try to make your dreams a reality. Want to know more?

Shoot me an email. The Willow

-MzB

Valentines Day…What’s that?

Valentines Day…What’s that?

Valentine’s day… what’s that? Not only have I never had a Valentine, in the many years that I have been alive, I have only celebrated Valentines day once.. thanks to my awesome college roomies in 2011.

You see in my home, Valentines day was not Valentines day that the world has grown to obsess over. It wasn’t a day I spent out with bae or being all romantical with a guy who claimed to love me. In actuality it took me a while to understand why people were acting so crazy when this day was not about them but it was actually about my parents. For the past 27 years, Valentines day has been my parents anniversary and that’s what I have always known it to be and celebrated. It is the day I get to celebrate the awesome marriage my parents have displayed in front of me my whole life. Not only do they showcase what a Godly happy marriage should be like on this day, they display it every single day. Don’t get me wrong, no marriage is perfect, but these two awesome people I get to call my parents have shown me what God wants marriage to look like. They have shown me how to forgive, how to be humble, how to serve, how to love and how to embody Christ in your marriage.

Until recently, I did not know how blessed I am to have parents who don’t fight in front of you, parents who pray for you, parents who want to ensure that the love  between each and every single member of the family is unbroken. I didn’t know that this was not the norm until I started talking to other people about growing up and how their parents were. You see for me, waking up everyday at 6 am for family devotion is normal. Talking to your parents about life and relationships is normal. Laughing and acting a damn fool in the house is normal. Little did I know that all these “normal” things are blessings from God and not to be taken for granted.

For many of us, the relationship we see between our parents has a huge impact on how we see and define relationships for ourselves in the future. The picture of love and marriage that my parents have chosen to paint for my siblings and I is one that has molded and shaped my thinking about what my future marriage should look like. It has helped me to be excited to have devotion with my children and husband and ensure there is always laughter in my home. It has given me a positive image of a happy marriage, one that I am grateful to God for.

So on this Valentines day.. aka my parents wedding anniversary, I say to married couples, be careful what picture you are painting for your children. Be the example of what a godly marriage should look like every single day and not just one day a year. Your children are always watching and most learned habits are unspoken. To single people, whatever you have been through is not your fault. Learn to forgive your parents; They can only pour out of what they were given.  Let God heal you by letting go of all your hurt. Your past hurts are not an indication of what your future will look like.

And finally to my parents…thank you mommy and daddy for showing me what love looks like everyday and not just on February 14th. 

Happy 31st Anniversary. I wish you many more!

Happy birthday to my baby bro, Valentine 😜!

-MzB

REALationships

REALationships

Gone are the days when people were satisfied and committed in their relationships. As a single, young lady, the idea of being in a committed relationship would completely scare me if I was not saved and walking in God’s love. The fact that in 2017, 1 in every 2.7 relationships involves infidelity is just sad. Why are people not satisfied? What is causing all this cheating? What is the reason for this greed, yes greed?? Well I have heard a number of ideas, but here’s what I think.

1- Some people are just down right greedy/selfish.

The selfishness in this generation is just terrifying. Everyone is worried about numero uno. We are so self-centered that we care only about ourselves and no one else. Is that what this life has truly come to? What happened to caring about others and their feelings? These days people are so caught up in temporary pleasures that we completely forget about eternity. The Bible says love others as you do yourself, not  less than you love yourself. But then again, sooo many people obviously don’t love themselves. If they did, they wouldn’t be doing half of the daft things they do.

2- Family, peer pressure to settle down

For my single Nigerian ladies, this struggle is absolutely real. I never really felt it until this 2017! My parents aren’t even the ones pressuring me, it’s everyone else. “When are we going to eat jollof rice….?” My answer is “When you cook it”. I hate how much pressure our culture and society puts on single females. If we spent more time teaching people how to be successful and be good people, the world would be such a better place. Marriage is not the end all be all. Please free me jor! Don’t let anyone rush you into an unhappy marriage. I would rather be happily single than married and hating life.

3- Rushing into a relationship/marriage out of the shame associated with being single.

Why is being single such a horrible state to be in these days? Singleness is looked at like a disease. This idea of not wanting to be alone so we jump into a relationship with the next person that blinks in our direction is just pathetic. If you cannot love your own company, you will simply suck the life out of your partner trying to make them your entire life. This time of singleness is the time to grow, enjoy life, gain new skills, go on adventures, be whole. You cannot jump into a relationship with someone simply because you are bored or ashamed of your current season, that’s just sad! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being SINGLE. Enjoy this time, cuz let’s be real, when your spouse and kids come, all that personal time is out the window, so why rush it!!!

4- Lack of self-awareness & the type of person that would complement you.

In your time of singleness, the goal is to explore yourself. You are in a relationship with yourself with no distractions. This is the best time to learn everything that works for you as well as what doesn’t. Learn what you like and what you don’t like. This is the time you find your wholeness in God. If you spend time exploring and finding yourself, it is easy to figure out the type of person that would complement you.

5- Looking for somebody to “complete you”

There’s a bunch of broken halves walking around looking for their better half to complete them. I don’t know about you all, but I’m complete and whole all by myself. There is absolutely nobody in the world that completes me like God does. This idea of looking for somebody that makes you whole is crazy! The person you date/marry or whatever should complement the greatness that is already inside of you. That person is the butter to your bread. I mean bread is already great by itself but when you add butter to it, it complements the flavor of the bread. People are out here acting like they are half-baked dough. Honey, you are fully baked bread and you are popping all by yourself. You don’t need anyone to be greater than you already are. Stop acting broken and become who God has made you to be!

6-There is no God in your relationship

God cannot bless what HE is not a part of! Stop telling God to bless something after you make a decision about it. It should always be God first, then everything comes after. While listening to Uncle Steven Furtick this week, he said something that resonated with me “A process that doesn’t start with God will not be fruitful.” So please let’s make God the center of everything, after all He created it all right?

7- Being unequally yoked!

For my Christians out there, this is everyone’s go to relationship verse, but do we understand what it actually means? We all seem to be stuck on dating someone from another religion, but heloooo it’s much more than that. Two Christians can be unequally yoked with each other. Here’s my understanding.

yoke

If you are not working /walking towards the same thing, beliefs, morals, vision, etc, you are unequally yoked. Think about it, most Christians and Muslims have different beliefs, hence they are probably unequally yoked. At the same time, if I am a Christian who believes that sex before marriage is a no-no and you’re a Christian who believes that you need to test out the car before you drive it, then heloooo… unequally yoked. The moral of the story is if the foundation of your beliefs, morals, views, don’t line up completely, you are probably unequally yoked. Imagine two animals pulling a carriage. One is pulling to the left and the other is pulling to the right, or one is pulling and the other is pushing…… UNEQUALLY YOKED!

8- We focus entirely too much on the who we will marry and not the why?

Too many people focus on who they will marry and the wedding day and not why they are getting married. They are looking for perfection in a person. Sorry to burst your bubble, we are flawed human beings,no one is perfect, including me and you! Instead, have you ever thought about the things you would like to accomplish in your marriage? The type of children you would like to raise, or the type of marriage you would like to have. Maybe even the way you would like to reflect God in your marriage. Have you thought about your purpose and how you would complete it? Honestly, the reason for marriage is more important that who you marry. 6 foot, 6 figures and a 6 pack is all fun and great but does he help you achieve your destiny? Is he God’s will for your life? Guys, 36-28-38 sounds wonderful but does she push you to achieve your goals? Does she propel you to a place of greatness? I mean is she the Michelle to your Obama???? Let’s be real, Obamzy knows that woman is the best thing to ever happen to him 😜.

Seriously though… we are focusing on all the wrong things when it comes to relationships and marriage. We need to get our lives together before jumping into anything with anyone. Marriage doesn’t remove all your problems, it shines a big spotlight on them. You are literally extremely naked with this person. Life doesn’t get any more invasive than this. If you want to thrive in your relationships, focus on our foundation  before jumping into one! While working on who we are, the right person will show up…. easier said than done right. It’s a struggle and I’m right there with you!

Lots of Love!

-MzB

Feature Image – When Will you Marry?

For more about Uncle Steve, click here!

The Wedding Dating Game

The Wedding Dating Game

So I recently attended my friend’s wedding and during her reception she decided it would be o so fun to try to play matchmaker. I mean think about it, she’s in love and she wants others to feel what she’s feeling so why not. I guess I should have known this would happen, because this lovely lady enjoys playing matchmaker. You’re probably thinking it doesn’t sound so bad, well it doesn’t, unless you’re one of the single ladies competing for a date with a stranger. Here’s how it all went down…

I attended this wedding all by myself, but I decided date or not, I was going to have a blast while celebrating this wonderful union. After the cocktail hour, I walked into the ballroom trying to figure out where I would be seating, when I noticed I knew one person on my table. I was excited that at least I wouldn’t be silent throughout the whole event. I sat at my table and patiently waited for a familiar face and finally there she was.

The reception began and I was having fun, when I noticed the MC carrying out some chairs to the dance floor. “Must be the shoe game”, I thought but little did I know things were about to go in a completely different direction. Usually the shoe games requires only 2 chairs, one for the bride and the other for the groom, but why o why where there 4 chairs; 3 facing one direction and 1 facing the opposite direction.

“What in the world is going on here? There is no way this is about to happen. This girl wouldn’t dear play this game at her wedding. The dating game, seriously? O no! She better not pick me! She wouldn’t put me on the spot like that.” All these thoughts raced through my mind and then the MC announced the game. I began to panic because knowing my friend, I knew I was a few seconds from hearing my name being called out as a contestant.

“Seye”….Yep! There goes my name.” I gracefully stood up and approached the dance floor and the spot light followed me to my seat. Not only was I a contestant in this game, but there were over 300 strangers who would be watching as well.

Question 1– Where in the world would you travel to if you could right now?

“That’s easy”, I thought, “Tokyo, Japan”. I’ve always been very fascinated by that place.

Question 2– Can you cook, and if yes, what is your favorite dish?

“Uh Oh”! Not only do I not cook but I was about to tell a room full of NIGERIAN strangers that as a young Nigerian female, I do not cook. This whole situation was embarrassing enough but it would only get worse, so I decided to have fun with my answer. The first 2 contestants went on and on about their amazing cooking skills and then the answer popped into my head. Instead of further embarrassing myself, I decided why not show some humor and my fun personality.

“What is your definition of cooking? Boiling water, making cereal?” I answered and the whole room laughed hysterically. “I have an advanced pallet so I like to enjoy meals from other countries. You know Thai, Chinese, Sushi, Jamaican. You can’t always eat Nigerian food. I enjoy branching out!”  After answering that question I was sure there was no chance this bachelor would consider dating a Nigerian woman who didn’t cook.

Question 3– What do you look for in a husband?

“Oh this is easy, God!” That was my thought until the MC said “We all know God is important ladies, no need to go that route”. God is the most important part of my life and although the MC had made his statement, I was sure that was the answer I would still give.

“A man who not only knows God, but God knows him too! I want a man who is walking and working in his God ordained purpose and living out his life in the will of God”. The whole room started clapping. “O no! They like me, they really like me”, I thought as the MC mentioned it would be time for the mystery dater to choose a contestant.

“Contestant number 1” the MC said as the guest began to clap. I clapped and cheered too because I didn’t want him to pick me.

“Contestant number 2”. I cheered even louder because she was a lovely lady and I thought she should win.

Finally it was my turn. While attempting to say Contestant number 3, I noticed a group of women jump to their feet cheering really loudly. The whole room cheered and clapped. I was shocked! “Wow, he’s going to pick me. No this was not the plan!”

“So chairman, who do you pick?” The MC said.

“Contestant number 3!”

Not only was I shocked and slightly embarrassed, I was also somewhat excited because it showed me that the ability to cook is not as important as I thought.

The young man walked towards me and gave me a hug. Not only did I win this game, but the couple decided they would be sponsoring the date.

The rest of the night was filled with dancing and a lot of attention from people telling me to enjoy my date and give the young man a chance. Although it wasn’t the way I expected my night to turn out, I still had a blast and met some really cool new people.

Congratulations to the bride and groom. Many blessings in your marriage!

Cheers!

-MzB

 

Engagement Season is upon us!

Engagement Season is upon us!

engagement

Whether you are waiting to receive a ring or planning a proposal, engagement season is one of the most exciting periods of the year. As the year comes to an end, many look forward to New Year resolutions and gift shopping, while others are on the edge of their seats waiting for the moment she says yes, or he proposes.

I recently saw a video of a couple who got engaged then married on the same day, sounds like a lot right? But I would actually love that! Imagine not going through the task of planning your own wedding, picking color schemes, dealing with crazy bridesmaids or parent drama or calling millions of vendors and cake tasting, well that’s the fun part. Just imagine jumping from yes I will…. to yes I do! Huge leap right? Well it sounds just perfect to me.

So after watching that video, I actually thought about how that would work out in my life. I’m thefirst daughter of a Nigerian Pastor, so for those of you who are not familiar, let me explain what that means. First of all, the idea of a small wedding is automatically out the window because not only do I have a huge family and friends to consider, I now have church members and lots of pastors to include. I always wanted a wedding of about 100 guests but NOPE, let’s just say I’ll be lucky if I can get less than 300.

Next, not only would I have to cater to both families and extended families and all the different opinions and personalities, but I would be doing this while planning 3 events… YES, 3 EVENTS! The family Introduction, Traditional Wedding, Wedding Ceremony and I guess the Reception counts too… so that’s actually 4. Finally, with all these events come not just 1 dress but about 5 or 6 different outfits and colors, and let’s not forget about Aso Ebi. What is Aso Ebi you might ask, it is a “uniform” that is traditionally worn in Nigeria and some West African cultures as an indicator of cooperation and solidarity during ceremonies and festive periods. [1]

So, what do I mean by colors?

Well, for the average bride, she probably picks 2-3 colors for the entire wedding. For example, navy blue and pink with maybe gold or silver accents for décor. For a Nigerian bride, I have to think of colors to wear for the family introduction, colors for both outfits that the bride and groom will wear for the traditional wedding. Then there’s the groom’s family aso ebi colors, and bride’s family aso ebi colors and let’s not forget the friends of the couple’s aso ebi colors… and yes that’s just for the traditional wedding. Then there’s the wedding ceremony colors for décor, and bridesmaids’ dresses and flowers as well as all the different aso ebi groups again. The thought of picking all these colors is already overwhelming, hence my dream of getting engaged then married on the same day. Why not have my groom worry about all this, while I continue to enjoy my life stress-free.

So what do I think when I hear engagement season is right around the color, I picture myself in a room surrounded by thousands of color swatches and screaming family members saying “pick this one”.  My only saving grace…. I love weddings and I am a wedding planner, so I’ve being doing this for years… so bring on the color wheel.

Congratulations to all the soon to be the engaged couples!

-MzB

1. Olukoju, A.. (1992). Maritime Trade in Lagos in the Aftermath of the First World War. African Economic History, (20), 119–135.