Valentines Day…What’s that?

Valentines Day…What’s that?

Valentine’s day… what’s that? Not only have I never had a Valentine, in the many years that I have been alive, I have only celebrated Valentines day once.. thanks to my awesome college roomies in 2011.

You see in my home, Valentines day was not Valentines day that the world has grown to obsess over. It wasn’t a day I spent out with bae or being all romantical with a guy who claimed to love me. In actuality it took me a while to understand why people were acting so crazy when this day was not about them but it was actually about my parents. For the past 27 years, Valentines day has been my parents anniversary and that’s what I have always known it to be and celebrated. It is the day I get to celebrate the awesome marriage my parents have displayed in front of me my whole life. Not only do they showcase what a Godly happy marriage should be like on this day, they display it every single day. Don’t get me wrong, no marriage is perfect, but these two awesome people I get to call my parents have shown me what God wants marriage to look like. They have shown me how to forgive, how to be humble, how to serve, how to love and how to embody Christ in your marriage.

Until recently, I did not know how blessed I am to have parents who don’t fight in front of you, parents who pray for you, parents who want to ensure that the love  between each and every single member of the family is unbroken. I didn’t know that this was not the norm until I started talking to other people about growing up and how their parents were. You see for me, waking up everyday at 6 am for family devotion is normal. Talking to your parents about life and relationships is normal. Laughing and acting a damn fool in the house is normal. Little did I know that all these “normal” things are blessings from God and not to be taken for granted.

For many of us, the relationship we see between our parents has a huge impact on how we see and define relationships for ourselves in the future. The picture of love and marriage that my parents have chosen to paint for my siblings and I is one that has molded and shaped my thinking about what my future marriage should look like. It has helped me to be excited to have devotion with my children and husband and ensure there is always laughter in my home. It has given me a positive image of a happy marriage, one that I am grateful to God for.

So on this Valentines day.. aka my parents wedding anniversary, I say to married couples, be careful what picture you are painting for your children. Be the example of what a godly marriage should look like every single day and not just one day a year. Your children are always watching and most learned habits are unspoken. To single people, whatever you have been through is not your fault. Learn to forgive your parents; They can only pour out of what they were given.  Let God heal you by letting go of all your hurt. Your past hurts are not an indication of what your future will look like.

And finally to my parents…thank you mommy and daddy for showing me what love looks like everyday and not just on February 14th. 

Happy 31st Anniversary. I wish you many more!

Happy birthday to my baby bro, Valentine 😜!

-MzB

REALationships

REALationships

Gone are the days when people were satisfied and committed in their relationships. As a single, young lady, the idea of being in a committed relationship would completely scare me if I was not saved and walking in God’s love. The fact that in 2017, 1 in every 2.7 relationships involves infidelity is just sad. Why are people not satisfied? What is causing all this cheating? What is the reason for this greed, yes greed?? Well I have heard a number of ideas, but here’s what I think.

1- Some people are just down right greedy/selfish.

The selfishness in this generation is just terrifying. Everyone is worried about numero uno. We are so self-centered that we care only about ourselves and no one else. Is that what this life has truly come to? What happened to caring about others and their feelings? These days people are so caught up in temporary pleasures that we completely forget about eternity. The Bible says love others as you do yourself, not  less than you love yourself. But then again, sooo many people obviously don’t love themselves. If they did, they wouldn’t be doing half of the daft things they do.

2- Family, peer pressure to settle down

For my single Nigerian ladies, this struggle is absolutely real. I never really felt it until this 2017! My parents aren’t even the ones pressuring me, it’s everyone else. “When are we going to eat jollof rice….?” My answer is “When you cook it”. I hate how much pressure our culture and society puts on single females. If we spent more time teaching people how to be successful and be good people, the world would be such a better place. Marriage is not the end all be all. Please free me jor! Don’t let anyone rush you into an unhappy marriage. I would rather be happily single than married and hating life.

3- Rushing into a relationship/marriage out of the shame associated with being single.

Why is being single such a horrible state to be in these days? Singleness is looked at like a disease. This idea of not wanting to be alone so we jump into a relationship with the next person that blinks in our direction is just pathetic. If you cannot love your own company, you will simply suck the life out of your partner trying to make them your entire life. This time of singleness is the time to grow, enjoy life, gain new skills, go on adventures, be whole. You cannot jump into a relationship with someone simply because you are bored or ashamed of your current season, that’s just sad! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being SINGLE. Enjoy this time, cuz let’s be real, when your spouse and kids come, all that personal time is out the window, so why rush it!!!

4- Lack of self-awareness & the type of person that would complement you.

In your time of singleness, the goal is to explore yourself. You are in a relationship with yourself with no distractions. This is the best time to learn everything that works for you as well as what doesn’t. Learn what you like and what you don’t like. This is the time you find your wholeness in God. If you spend time exploring and finding yourself, it is easy to figure out the type of person that would complement you.

5- Looking for somebody to “complete you”

There’s a bunch of broken halves walking around looking for their better half to complete them. I don’t know about you all, but I’m complete and whole all by myself. There is absolutely nobody in the world that completes me like God does. This idea of looking for somebody that makes you whole is crazy! The person you date/marry or whatever should complement the greatness that is already inside of you. That person is the butter to your bread. I mean bread is already great by itself but when you add butter to it, it complements the flavor of the bread. People are out here acting like they are half-baked dough. Honey, you are fully baked bread and you are popping all by yourself. You don’t need anyone to be greater than you already are. Stop acting broken and become who God has made you to be!

6-There is no God in your relationship

God cannot bless what HE is not a part of! Stop telling God to bless something after you make a decision about it. It should always be God first, then everything comes after. While listening to Uncle Steven Furtick this week, he said something that resonated with me “A process that doesn’t start with God will not be fruitful.” So please let’s make God the center of everything, after all He created it all right?

7- Being unequally yoked!

For my Christians out there, this is everyone’s go to relationship verse, but do we understand what it actually means? We all seem to be stuck on dating someone from another religion, but heloooo it’s much more than that. Two Christians can be unequally yoked with each other. Here’s my understanding.

yoke

If you are not working /walking towards the same thing, beliefs, morals, vision, etc, you are unequally yoked. Think about it, most Christians and Muslims have different beliefs, hence they are probably unequally yoked. At the same time, if I am a Christian who believes that sex before marriage is a no-no and you’re a Christian who believes that you need to test out the car before you drive it, then heloooo… unequally yoked. The moral of the story is if the foundation of your beliefs, morals, views, don’t line up completely, you are probably unequally yoked. Imagine two animals pulling a carriage. One is pulling to the left and the other is pulling to the right, or one is pulling and the other is pushing…… UNEQUALLY YOKED!

8- We focus entirely too much on the who we will marry and not the why?

Too many people focus on who they will marry and the wedding day and not why they are getting married. They are looking for perfection in a person. Sorry to burst your bubble, we are flawed human beings,no one is perfect, including me and you! Instead, have you ever thought about the things you would like to accomplish in your marriage? The type of children you would like to raise, or the type of marriage you would like to have. Maybe even the way you would like to reflect God in your marriage. Have you thought about your purpose and how you would complete it? Honestly, the reason for marriage is more important that who you marry. 6 foot, 6 figures and a 6 pack is all fun and great but does he help you achieve your destiny? Is he God’s will for your life? Guys, 36-28-38 sounds wonderful but does she push you to achieve your goals? Does she propel you to a place of greatness? I mean is she the Michelle to your Obama???? Let’s be real, Obamzy knows that woman is the best thing to ever happen to him 😜.

Seriously though… we are focusing on all the wrong things when it comes to relationships and marriage. We need to get our lives together before jumping into anything with anyone. Marriage doesn’t remove all your problems, it shines a big spotlight on them. You are literally extremely naked with this person. Life doesn’t get any more invasive than this. If you want to thrive in your relationships, focus on our foundation  before jumping into one! While working on who we are, the right person will show up…. easier said than done right. It’s a struggle and I’m right there with you!

Lots of Love!

-MzB

Feature Image – When Will you Marry?

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