Valentines Day…What’s that?

Valentines Day…What’s that?

Valentine’s day… what’s that? Not only have I never had a Valentine, in the many years that I have been alive, I have only celebrated Valentines day once.. thanks to my awesome college roomies in 2011.

You see in my home, Valentines day was not Valentines day that the world has grown to obsess over. It wasn’t a day I spent out with bae or being all romantical with a guy who claimed to love me. In actuality it took me a while to understand why people were acting so crazy when this day was not about them but it was actually about my parents. For the past 27 years, Valentines day has been my parents anniversary and that’s what I have always known it to be and celebrated. It is the day I get to celebrate the awesome marriage my parents have displayed in front of me my whole life. Not only do they showcase what a Godly happy marriage should be like on this day, they display it every single day. Don’t get me wrong, no marriage is perfect, but these two awesome people I get to call my parents have shown me what God wants marriage to look like. They have shown me how to forgive, how to be humble, how to serve, how to love and how to embody Christ in your marriage.

Until recently, I did not know how blessed I am to have parents who don’t fight in front of you, parents who pray for you, parents who want to ensure that the love  between each and every single member of the family is unbroken. I didn’t know that this was not the norm until I started talking to other people about growing up and how their parents were. You see for me, waking up everyday at 6 am for family devotion is normal. Talking to your parents about life and relationships is normal. Laughing and acting a damn fool in the house is normal. Little did I know that all these “normal” things are blessings from God and not to be taken for granted.

For many of us, the relationship we see between our parents has a huge impact on how we see and define relationships for ourselves in the future. The picture of love and marriage that my parents have chosen to paint for my siblings and I is one that has molded and shaped my thinking about what my future marriage should look like. It has helped me to be excited to have devotion with my children and husband and ensure there is always laughter in my home. It has given me a positive image of a happy marriage, one that I am grateful to God for.

So on this Valentines day.. aka my parents wedding anniversary, I say to married couples, be careful what picture you are painting for your children. Be the example of what a godly marriage should look like every single day and not just one day a year. Your children are always watching and most learned habits are unspoken. To single people, whatever you have been through is not your fault. Learn to forgive your parents; They can only pour out of what they were given.  Let God heal you by letting go of all your hurt. Your past hurts are not an indication of what your future will look like.

And finally to my parents…thank you mommy and daddy for showing me what love looks like everyday and not just on February 14th. 

Happy 31st Anniversary. I wish you many more!

Happy birthday to my baby bro, Valentine 😜!

-MzB

Waiting Sucks!

Waiting Sucks!

Who do you talk to?? When you need advice, when you have doubts, when you feel really low or really down, who is that person in your life that makes it all feel better? Who encourages you, who scolds and checks you, who guides you in life? Who prays for you, keeps you accountable and challenges you? Who is your mentor?

Well, for the first 25.5 years of my life, I didn’t have a mentor. I didn’t have anyone that I felt accountable to. I walked through life making decisions based on how I felt and what I thought would benefit me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I was being selfish.. at least I hope I wasn’t, but I didn’t feel like my actions or decisions would let any one down… well besides God I guess. Having a mentor or some one to guide me and hold me accountable was something I had wanted for a while but it just didn’t happened.

After graduating from college, I moved back home with no job and no idea where my life was headed. It was difficult to be optimistic, but thank God for family and praying parents. After a few months at home, I eventually got a job. Throughout my 4 years of living at home and working, it seemed like God was teasing me with “mentors”. He would bring certain people into my life for the specific times and situations I was going through, but then they would either move or sort of fade away.  It was a bit strange but somehow God was always looking out for me.

At the beginning of every year I would ask God to bring me a mentor, but He just wouldn’t listen, lol… talk about frustrating but He was teaching me to be patient, little did I know that the worlds bestest mentor aka my Big Seester was right around the corner.

Not only is my mentor beyond amazing, she is everything I prayed for and more. I had always wondered what my relationship with my potential mentor would be like and what we would do or talk about. Would the person be old or young, male or female, Nigerian or not, tall or short, emotional, crazy, loud, friendly, shy, lover of God? Well not only did God exceed my expectations in every way, sometimes i feel like she loves me more than I love me.

Looking back on the last year, I can’t help but be extremely grateful to God. This past year with my mentor has taught me that God gives perfect Gifts and although the waiting period absolutely sucks sometimes, its most definitely worth it in the end. He gives gifts that add no sorrow. Because His ways are nothing like our ways, ideas or dreams, count on him to exceed your expectations always. Patience is a virtue because it is not easy to be patient, but after waiting for a while for something, you learn to appreciate it even more when you get it.

No, I don’t want to just brag about the awesomeness of my mentor, lol, I want to encourage you that although waiting on God or anything is not the easiest thing, what is on the other side of your wait will be more amazing than you can imagine. I know how long I prayed for a mentor and God responded at the perfect time with the perfect person. So don’t give up, don’t let go, just wait and be patient and I can say whole-heartedly that what you are waiting for will blow you away at the right time, if God is in it!

Also, no man is an island. Get yourself a mentor. Navigating life on your own with no one guiding you or keeping you accountable is not wise. Proverbs 20:18 says “Plans succeed with good counsel, don’t go to war without advice.”

Prayer of encouragement- “God keep me firm on faith during my wait”

Lots of Love

MzB

Let’s talk about Sex, baby ;)

Let’s talk about Sex, baby ;)

After watching a video series on Relationship Goals, my mind was literally blown. It was soooo blown that I just started screaming and yelling while driving home from Maryland to Philly. Part 7 in particular, rocked my world. It’s one thing to have something told to you all your life, its another thing to hear different perspectives on what people’s beliefs are and how God is convicting young Christians.

As a Christian, all my life I have heard sex before marriage is bad but for the life of me nobody ever said why. Nigerians painted the picture of not being able to wear white at your wedding, pregnancy as a consequence and the potential that you would catch an incurable disease and DIE. All of which fall under the scare you away from sex plan, but eventually the fire looks more and more tempting.

I enjoy having pre-marital sex conversations with young people because many of us seem to be very confused as to what we believe and why. I have  heard many different opinions, like the ones listed below, as to why people do what they do.

  • Why wouldn’t you test drive the car before you buy it?
  • What if you’re not sexually compatible?
  • What if he/she is horrible in bed?
  • Why save your virginity and eventually get disappointed?
  • If we know we’re getting married to each other eventually, why can’t we start now?
  • It’s just sex it doesn’t hurt anyone.

I’m not one to judge and I believe each person can decide what they feel based on their personal convictions, so i’m just going to drop this video and some scripture below. Please share your thoughts, confidentially or comment below.

Watch this video and drop your thoughts!!!!

Proverbs 5:15-17 ” Drink water from only one well- share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers.”

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 “God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin… live in holiness and honor– not in lustful passion.”

1 Thessalonians 2-4 “… our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.”

1 Corinthians 6:12-20You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. 13 You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. 15 Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! 16 And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.”17 But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

Lots of love

-MzB

Friendship…

Friendship…

No new friends… I hear that a lot. Many people talk about their friends and how loyal and awesome they are. They would rather stick to the friends they currently have than get to know new people and build new relationships. Nothing against my current friends but hellooo new people. I want to build as many lasting relationships as I can. There is so much of me I’m ready to give and share with the world. God has placed this desire in me to love on people and I’m excited to do just that. Meeting new people is wonderful but let’s be real, there is a significant difference between someone you know and an actual friend.

Let’s make it clear…

  1. If you can’t make fun of each other and laugh about it, that’s not your friend.
  2. If you’ve never had a fight before (not necessarily physically), that’s not your friend.
  3. Someone who agrees with everything you say, is not your friend.
  4. If you cannot be transparent with the person, and tell them your real problems… not fake surface problems… that’s not your friend!!
  5. If you only talk to them when you see them…. helloooooo can we say not your friend.
  6. If they don’t know your first, middle and last name…. not your friend!
  7. If you are both Christians and you can’t pray together or talk about God together…. NOPE!
  8. If you have to censor or filter yourself or just plain pretend to be something you’re not around this person… that is not your friend!
  9. If they only call you when they need or want something…not your friend!
  10. If they can’t check you or call you out on your foolish ways, let’s say it together… NOT YOUR FRIEND!!

A friendship is more than a surface when I see you, relationship. It is intentional. Like any other committed relationship, friendship is work! It is not something you just fall into. Friends hold each other accountable, friends check on each other. Friends look out for each other and celebrate each other. A friend will call you out when you are heading down a destructive path. Friends talk outside of social media. Because you go back on forth on Snapchat, doesn’t mean you are friends… you are merely snap-chatters lol. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with knowing people or having acquaintances, but can we stop giving the friend title to people that don’t deserve the title or even want the title. It will help us not get as disappointed when people don’t do things you expect your friends to do.

So as we all round up this year, let’s evaluate our friendships. Are we being good friends to the people we call are friends? Are we in relationships we think are friendships but are actually just I-know-youships. Like I said earlier, nothing wrong with those relationships, but make sure you have a better understanding of the relationships you are in.

Cheers to new friends in 2018!

-MzB

P.S. if you don’t have a bestie, get yourself one…. Mine is the bestest! Love you Oyks!