I used to think I was the only person in the world who disliked the dating process but recently I’ve been meeting people who share my exact feelings towards this very awkward phase of life. The whole thing just stresses me out. Getting to know someone new or old, asking questions and sharing your life knowing that everything you say will and can be used against you, it’s extremely uncomfortable. Well I’m officially sick of it…kinda. Not because I’m a serial dater or anything but because the whole idea of getting to know someone and not knowing if they have the right intentions is just draining.
So, what makes it draining you might ask… well my issue is the lack of sincerity and the pretense. I wish people would just be 100% vulnerable and honest all the time. Like let’s imagine what dating and relationships would look like if we didn’t care to sell ourselves to a potential boo but instead were just 100% honest. What’s the point of providing a false impression of yourself while trying to get to know someone else? How exactly does that help either of you?
Also, what’s your reason for even dating in the first place? The lack of being intentional just seriously blows my mind. I do not understand why people waste their time wasting time. If you’re not interested… keep it moving. If you don’t know what you want… keep it moving. Don’t go searching for a job you’re not ready to have.
The thing is, I think dating should be more like an interview and less like elections. Imagine yourself as a fortune 500 company looking to hire a CEO. You want someone who is qualified for the job but also open to learning about and effectively running your company. On the other hand, like the elections, we act like politicians who say the right things and make empty promises trying to convince everyone else that we’re the “right choice.” We should be looking for the best person to achieve our goals with not convincing somebody that we’re worth their time.
Trying to sell yourself to another person should never be the goal in dating. Dating just to date and hanging out should not be the goal in dating. Dating should lead to marriage and why you marry is more important than who you marry. There should be a purpose for your marriage and I believe dating should be the process we use to find who will help us achieve our why.
Find your why and God will help you find the Who!
Lots of love!
Would you or wouldn’t you… fill in the blank!
So lately many questions have been coming up that I honestly believe need answers. When I talk to my friends and family members about these topics, people shrivel up and stop talking…. so now i’m asking you! Let’s answer these together 🙂 . I will post each question on my Instagram story in a daily poll and share the feedback… so follow me!
- Separate accounts in a marriage… yes or no?
- Adopt or foster… yes or no?
- Change your appearance because bae isn’t feeling it…. yes or no?
- Date someone of a different race… yes or no?
- Move for bae… yes or no?
- Discuss sex… not encounters… with your friends… yes or no?
- Discuss relationships with your friends… yes or no?
- Talk to your parents about relationships… yes or no?
- Share your dreams, goals, plans with friends… yes or no?
- Cook for a boyfriend or girlfriend… yes or no?
- Clean a boyfriend or girlfriend’s place…yes or no?
- Sex before marriage… let be real… yes or no?
- Lend money to friends or family… yes or no?
- Stop paying tithe because your spouse isn’t down with that… yes or no?
- Ladies… date a shorter guy… yes or no?
- Ladies… date a younger guy… yes or no?
- Fellas… date a taller lady….yes or no?
- Fellas… date an older lady… yes or no?
- End a friendship with someone if bae (not husband or wife) doesn’t like the person…. yes or no?
- Start working out if bae thinks you’re “too thick”… yes or no?
- Date someone with kids… yes or no?
- Date someone who is divorced… yes or no?
- Tell a friend their bae is cheating (dating)…yes or no?
- Tell a friend their spouse is cheating… yes or no?
- Date a friend’s ex… yes or no?
- Pray on a date…yes or no?
- Date someone of a different religion… yes or no?
- Remain friends with an ex… yes or no?
- Cohabitate before marriage… yes or no?
- Cry at work or in class.. yes or no?
Don’t forget follow me on Instagram to see what other people think! Share your questions with #MzBQuestions or DM me.
Leave your comments below. If you have any confidential questions or comments, you can message me privately!
-Lots of love ❤
No new friends… I hear that a lot. Many people talk about their friends and how loyal and awesome they are. They would rather stick to the friends they currently have than get to know new people and build new relationships. Nothing against my current friends but hellooo new people. I want to build as many lasting relationships as I can. There is so much of me I’m ready to give and share with the world. God has placed this desire in me to love on people and I’m excited to do just that. Meeting new people is wonderful but let’s be real, there is a significant difference between someone you know and an actual friend.
Let’s make it clear…
- If you can’t make fun of each other and laugh about it, that’s not your friend.
- If you’ve never had a fight before (not necessarily physically), that’s not your friend.
- Someone who agrees with everything you say, is not your friend.
- If you cannot be transparent with the person, and tell them your real problems… not fake surface problems… that’s not your friend!!
- If you only talk to them when you see them…. helloooooo can we say not your friend.
- If they don’t know your first, middle and last name…. not your friend!
- If you are both Christians and you can’t pray together or talk about God together…. NOPE!
- If you have to censor or filter yourself or just plain pretend to be something you’re not around this person… that is not your friend!
- If they only call you when they need or want something…not your friend!
- If they can’t check you or call you out on your foolish ways, let’s say it together… NOT YOUR FRIEND!!
A friendship is more than a surface when I see you, relationship. It is intentional. Like any other committed relationship, friendship is work! It is not something you just fall into. Friends hold each other accountable, friends check on each other. Friends look out for each other and celebrate each other. A friend will call you out when you are heading down a destructive path. Friends talk outside of social media. Because you go back on forth on Snapchat, doesn’t mean you are friends… you are merely snap-chatters lol. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with knowing people or having acquaintances, but can we stop giving the friend title to people that don’t deserve the title or even want the title. It will help us not get as disappointed when people don’t do things you expect your friends to do.
So as we all round up this year, let’s evaluate our friendships. Are we being good friends to the people we call are friends? Are we in relationships we think are friendships but are actually just I-know-youships. Like I said earlier, nothing wrong with those relationships, but make sure you have a better understanding of the relationships you are in.
Cheers to new friends in 2018!
P.S. if you don’t have a bestie, get yourself one…. Mine is the bestest! Love you Oyks!