Let’s talk about Sex, baby ;)

Let’s talk about Sex, baby ;)

After watching a video series on Relationship Goals, my mind was literally blown. It was soooo blown that I just started screaming and yelling while driving home from Maryland to Philly. Part 7 in particular, rocked my world. It’s one thing to have something told to you all your life, its another thing to hear different perspectives on what people’s beliefs are and how God is convicting young Christians.

As a Christian, all my life I have heard sex before marriage is bad but for the life of me nobody ever said why. Nigerians painted the picture of not being able to wear white at your wedding, pregnancy as a consequence and the potential that you would catch an incurable disease and DIE. All of which fall under the scare you away from sex plan, but eventually the fire looks more and more tempting.

I enjoy having pre-marital sex conversations with young people because many of us seem to be very confused as to what we believe and why. I have  heard many different opinions, like the ones listed below, as to why people do what they do.

  • Why wouldn’t you test drive the car before you buy it?
  • What if you’re not sexually compatible?
  • What if he/she is horrible in bed?
  • Why save your virginity and eventually get disappointed?
  • If we know we’re getting married to each other eventually, why can’t we start now?
  • It’s just sex it doesn’t hurt anyone.

I’m not one to judge and I believe each person can decide what they feel based on their personal convictions, so i’m just going to drop this video and some scripture below. Please share your thoughts, confidentially or comment below.

Watch this video and drop your thoughts!!!!

Proverbs 5:15-17 ” Drink water from only one well- share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers.”

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 “God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin… live in holiness and honor– not in lustful passion.”

1 Thessalonians 2-4 “… our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.”

1 Corinthians 6:12-20You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. 13 You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. 15 Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! 16 And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.”17 But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

Lots of love

-MzB

ALL things!

ALL things!

It’s only been 10 days of this year and already I have learned so much. God is constantly taking all the minute details in my life and making them work for my good. Sometimes we go through what we call irrelevant  or  even annoying experiences but let us be reminded that ALL things work together for our good.

Looking back on last year, there were many things I went through that I thought were merely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Some were annoying or difficult at the time, but in these first ten days of 2018, God has shown me that ALL things work together for my good.

Today while talking to my soul sister aka my bestie of life, Oynks, we both laughed about how awesome God is and how His ways are not our ways.  God continually shows us that we don’t have to see or understand what He is doing to know He is at work in our lives. Oynks is going through a situation that would ordinarily discourage or confuse anyone, but instead of being disappointment, she chooses to believe that ALL things, good or bad, work together for her good. Our conversation just encouraged me that no matter what I’m going through, whether it makes sense or not, good or bad, or even terrible, some way somehow, God will make it all work together for my good.

For the past 5 years, I’ve been planning wedding and events. Planning has always been my passion from as far back as I can remember and using my passion to celebrate with another person is a very rewarding feeling for me. This past year, I decided to launch my own wedding and event planning company, The Willow, after working with other companies.

In the beginning stages, frustration was my best friend. I was overwhelmed, afraid, nervous and all sort of mixed emotions. After reaching out to many people, I realized that I didn’t have faith in what I was doing. I didn’t trust that God who gave me this passion and desire would make the necessary arrangements to help me prosper. I was counting on my own ideas, strengths and knowledge instead of having faith that God would back me up. And just like that…. my source, my help, turned it all around. Not only has He been exceeding my expectations, He has reminded me that all my efforts, and all the little things I was doing to build my business were not in vein. All the “irrelevant, not important” things I did the past few years, God has caused them to matter now.

I say all this to say, that no matter what it looks like now, good or bad, small or big, important or irrelevant, ALL things will work together for your good. Not only will they work together for your good, but God will show you how they work together for your good. The tiniest details of your life are for a reason. Lessons learned are very important. Do not be defeated, do not give up, because you can’t see it doesn’t mean God isn’t working.

Happy New Year & I wish you an abundance of beautiful new beginnings this year!

-MzB

Intentional – Travis Greene

This song gets me every time!

follow my planning page on IG- @thewillowevents

REALationships

REALationships

Gone are the days when people were satisfied and committed in their relationships. As a single, young lady, the idea of being in a committed relationship would completely scare me if I was not saved and walking in God’s love. The fact that in 2017, 1 in every 2.7 relationships involves infidelity is just sad. Why are people not satisfied? What is causing all this cheating? What is the reason for this greed, yes greed?? Well I have heard a number of ideas, but here’s what I think.

1- Some people are just down right greedy/selfish.

The selfishness in this generation is just terrifying. Everyone is worried about numero uno. We are so self-centered that we care only about ourselves and no one else. Is that what this life has truly come to? What happened to caring about others and their feelings? These days people are so caught up in temporary pleasures that we completely forget about eternity. The Bible says love others as you do yourself, not  less than you love yourself. But then again, sooo many people obviously don’t love themselves. If they did, they wouldn’t be doing half of the daft things they do.

2- Family, peer pressure to settle down

For my single Nigerian ladies, this struggle is absolutely real. I never really felt it until this 2017! My parents aren’t even the ones pressuring me, it’s everyone else. “When are we going to eat jollof rice….?” My answer is “When you cook it”. I hate how much pressure our culture and society puts on single females. If we spent more time teaching people how to be successful and be good people, the world would be such a better place. Marriage is not the end all be all. Please free me jor! Don’t let anyone rush you into an unhappy marriage. I would rather be happily single than married and hating life.

3- Rushing into a relationship/marriage out of the shame associated with being single.

Why is being single such a horrible state to be in these days? Singleness is looked at like a disease. This idea of not wanting to be alone so we jump into a relationship with the next person that blinks in our direction is just pathetic. If you cannot love your own company, you will simply suck the life out of your partner trying to make them your entire life. This time of singleness is the time to grow, enjoy life, gain new skills, go on adventures, be whole. You cannot jump into a relationship with someone simply because you are bored or ashamed of your current season, that’s just sad! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being SINGLE. Enjoy this time, cuz let’s be real, when your spouse and kids come, all that personal time is out the window, so why rush it!!!

4- Lack of self-awareness & the type of person that would complement you.

In your time of singleness, the goal is to explore yourself. You are in a relationship with yourself with no distractions. This is the best time to learn everything that works for you as well as what doesn’t. Learn what you like and what you don’t like. This is the time you find your wholeness in God. If you spend time exploring and finding yourself, it is easy to figure out the type of person that would complement you.

5- Looking for somebody to “complete you”

There’s a bunch of broken halves walking around looking for their better half to complete them. I don’t know about you all, but I’m complete and whole all by myself. There is absolutely nobody in the world that completes me like God does. This idea of looking for somebody that makes you whole is crazy! The person you date/marry or whatever should complement the greatness that is already inside of you. That person is the butter to your bread. I mean bread is already great by itself but when you add butter to it, it complements the flavor of the bread. People are out here acting like they are half-baked dough. Honey, you are fully baked bread and you are popping all by yourself. You don’t need anyone to be greater than you already are. Stop acting broken and become who God has made you to be!

6-There is no God in your relationship

God cannot bless what HE is not a part of! Stop telling God to bless something after you make a decision about it. It should always be God first, then everything comes after. While listening to Uncle Steven Furtick this week, he said something that resonated with me “A process that doesn’t start with God will not be fruitful.” So please let’s make God the center of everything, after all He created it all right?

7- Being unequally yoked!

For my Christians out there, this is everyone’s go to relationship verse, but do we understand what it actually means? We all seem to be stuck on dating someone from another religion, but heloooo it’s much more than that. Two Christians can be unequally yoked with each other. Here’s my understanding.

yoke

If you are not working /walking towards the same thing, beliefs, morals, vision, etc, you are unequally yoked. Think about it, most Christians and Muslims have different beliefs, hence they are probably unequally yoked. At the same time, if I am a Christian who believes that sex before marriage is a no-no and you’re a Christian who believes that you need to test out the car before you drive it, then heloooo… unequally yoked. The moral of the story is if the foundation of your beliefs, morals, views, don’t line up completely, you are probably unequally yoked. Imagine two animals pulling a carriage. One is pulling to the left and the other is pulling to the right, or one is pulling and the other is pushing…… UNEQUALLY YOKED!

8- We focus entirely too much on the who we will marry and not the why?

Too many people focus on who they will marry and the wedding day and not why they are getting married. They are looking for perfection in a person. Sorry to burst your bubble, we are flawed human beings,no one is perfect, including me and you! Instead, have you ever thought about the things you would like to accomplish in your marriage? The type of children you would like to raise, or the type of marriage you would like to have. Maybe even the way you would like to reflect God in your marriage. Have you thought about your purpose and how you would complete it? Honestly, the reason for marriage is more important that who you marry. 6 foot, 6 figures and a 6 pack is all fun and great but does he help you achieve your destiny? Is he God’s will for your life? Guys, 36-28-38 sounds wonderful but does she push you to achieve your goals? Does she propel you to a place of greatness? I mean is she the Michelle to your Obama???? Let’s be real, Obamzy knows that woman is the best thing to ever happen to him 😜.

Seriously though… we are focusing on all the wrong things when it comes to relationships and marriage. We need to get our lives together before jumping into anything with anyone. Marriage doesn’t remove all your problems, it shines a big spotlight on them. You are literally extremely naked with this person. Life doesn’t get any more invasive than this. If you want to thrive in your relationships, focus on our foundation  before jumping into one! While working on who we are, the right person will show up…. easier said than done right. It’s a struggle and I’m right there with you!

Lots of Love!

-MzB

Feature Image – When Will you Marry?

For more about Uncle Steve, click here!

Friendship…

Friendship…

No new friends… I hear that a lot. Many people talk about their friends and how loyal and awesome they are. They would rather stick to the friends they currently have than get to know new people and build new relationships. Nothing against my current friends but hellooo new people. I want to build as many lasting relationships as I can. There is so much of me I’m ready to give and share with the world. God has placed this desire in me to love on people and I’m excited to do just that. Meeting new people is wonderful but let’s be real, there is a significant difference between someone you know and an actual friend.

Let’s make it clear…

  1. If you can’t make fun of each other and laugh about it, that’s not your friend.
  2. If you’ve never had a fight before (not necessarily physically), that’s not your friend.
  3. Someone who agrees with everything you say, is not your friend.
  4. If you cannot be transparent with the person, and tell them your real problems… not fake surface problems… that’s not your friend!!
  5. If you only talk to them when you see them…. helloooooo can we say not your friend.
  6. If they don’t know your first, middle and last name…. not your friend!
  7. If you are both Christians and you can’t pray together or talk about God together…. NOPE!
  8. If you have to censor or filter yourself or just plain pretend to be something you’re not around this person… that is not your friend!
  9. If they only call you when they need or want something…not your friend!
  10. If they can’t check you or call you out on your foolish ways, let’s say it together… NOT YOUR FRIEND!!

A friendship is more than a surface when I see you, relationship. It is intentional. Like any other committed relationship, friendship is work! It is not something you just fall into. Friends hold each other accountable, friends check on each other. Friends look out for each other and celebrate each other. A friend will call you out when you are heading down a destructive path. Friends talk outside of social media. Because you go back on forth on Snapchat, doesn’t mean you are friends… you are merely snap-chatters lol. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with knowing people or having acquaintances, but can we stop giving the friend title to people that don’t deserve the title or even want the title. It will help us not get as disappointed when people don’t do things you expect your friends to do.

So as we all round up this year, let’s evaluate our friendships. Are we being good friends to the people we call are friends? Are we in relationships we think are friendships but are actually just I-know-youships. Like I said earlier, nothing wrong with those relationships, but make sure you have a better understanding of the relationships you are in.

Cheers to new friends in 2018!

-MzB

P.S. if you don’t have a bestie, get yourself one…. Mine is the bestest! Love you Oyks!

Are you Content?

Are you Content?

“A fickle heart lusts after what it doesn’t have”.

Contentment… what is it? Well let’s talk about it.

I am currently reading a devotional by John Bevere, called Killing Kryptonite  and one of the devotions talked about contentment in God. So what is contentment, well according to the dictionary it is “a state of happiness and satisfaction”. To me contentment is being happy with what you have, who you are, and where you currently are in life. For the past few years, this is something that I have truly struggled with, but God is showing me daily, reasons why I should be grateful and content.

In this world of social media, I can understand how difficult it is to be content. The highlights of people’s lives surround us so much, that we can’t help but compare our lives to everyone else’s. For me, comparing my “boring” life to the “exciting” lives of others was a daily struggle. My friends and family members were getting married, having babies, going on trips, enjoying amazing jobs but it just seemed like my life was not that exciting, even though it was. Why was I not where I had planned I would be?

I always had an idea of how I thought my life would turn out, but God has shown me that His plans are not my plans. But just for humor and transparency sake, here was my timeline:

  • Graduate college at 21- that didn’t happen – ENGINEERING!
  • Work as a consultant and travel the world – NOPE
  • Marry at 25 – Hahahahaha, NOPE!
  • 4 kids by 30- only chance of this happening is if I have 4 kids in the next 2 years and I’m currently single! LOL
  • Start my own business while working and retire from the workforce by 35 – With God on my side… this is definitely POSSIBLE and I know I’m on the right path….

You see, we tend to have these plans that we make for ourselves but we always forget that our maker created us for a purpose so we have to include Him in everything. Also, His ways are not our ways and His plans are definitely not like our plans. The best part about His plans are that they are for our good- Jeremiah 29:11.

The best part about being able to look back at my 18 year old self and laugh is that although I’m no where near what I thought my life would look like, I’m definitely in the best place I could possibly be because I’m in the center of God’s will and His plans for my life and I am sure of it. All these plans I had for myself were all self-centered and not God centered. I was so focused on what I wanted for me, that I didn’t think about what God could want for me.

So am I content? Well, I am learning to be grateful to God for EVERYTHING; good and bad. I am learning that to be content I have to be grateful. I am learning that contentment is a choice. How can you be happy and satisfied with your life if you are not thankful for the things that you do have? Also, our contentment is rooted in loving yourself and in the love of God. It is knowing that God is enough, no matter we lack! Being truly content causes us to live in the abundance of God’s love, a place where you can’t help but just be grateful.

Lots of Love

-MzB

Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

 

Happy Moversary to Me!

Happy Moversary to Me!

And just like that I have lived in Maryland for 4 months. I can’t believe how much time truly flies when you’re having fun! Well that’s what everyone seems to say, and since time isn’t crawling, I’m definitely having a blast!

Looking back at these 4 months, I have gained so much knowledge and learned a lot about myself. For those who know me, moving to Maryland was a huge deal for me. I have wanted to move here for the past 11 years but God was just not having it. I applied to college in MD, I looked for jobs in Maryland, I even thought about marrying someone in Maryland but God was teaching me how to be patient and wait for his time.

After living here for the past 4 months, I’m not so sure what I thought was so special about this state lol, but it sure isn’t as magical as I thought, well on some days it isn’t. You see I lived in a state that I thought drove me crazy. I worked at a job I hated and lived in a town I barely did anything in. (fyi i lived there for 13 years and have no clue who my neighbors are -_-). I was so desperate to leave this very boring place where nothing happened. Now that I look back, the only boring thing about that place was me.

In just a few short months in Maryland, one thing God has shown me is a very clear reflection of myself.  He has shown me how much I am loved, how much He thinks of and cares for me. You see sometimes God holds us back from  certain things to save us from ourselves and protect us. What we see as a denial or rejection, is just God looking out for us. I can only imagine what my life would have been like if I moved to Maryland earlier, but I’m glad it happened at God’s right time.

Things I’ve re-learned in these few months:

  • Never rush anything. Things will work out when it’s the best time for you!
  • Enjoy your days. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Take chances, dare to dream. Go on an adventure. Live life to the fullest each and every single day.
  • What is for you, will be yours eventually. Nothing can stop or hinder God’s plans for you, so just be patient and have faith. You might not see it now, but God is always working!
  • The rejections of today do not affect God’s plans for your tomorrow!
  • Rejection is God’s protection 
  • Delay is most certainly not a denial.
  • While you’re in life’s waiting room, develop yourself! PREPARE for what ever is next. Don’t just wait idly, do something. Be productive.

So I say all this to say, live your life, don’t let your life live you. Lol that sounds like such a cliché but it is so true. Many people let life pass them by while they waste away waiting for the next phase of their lives. Enjoy all the seconds and moments of everyday. Don’t wait for this magical next place, next step, new place, new status, new phase to come before you start doing all the great things you have dreamed up in your heads. Enjoy the now!

Lots of Love!

-MzB

P.S. Maryland is making me fat! I hate the idea of brunch…. no really why o why must we eat at delicious brunch spots all the time. Who ever louded the idea of brunch should be smacked. Oh &Pizza is just horribly delicious. 😦

 

The Wedding Dating Game

The Wedding Dating Game

So I recently attended my friend’s wedding and during her reception she decided it would be o so fun to try to play matchmaker. I mean think about it, she’s in love and she wants others to feel what she’s feeling so why not. I guess I should have known this would happen, because this lovely lady enjoys playing matchmaker. You’re probably thinking it doesn’t sound so bad, well it doesn’t, unless you’re one of the single ladies competing for a date with a stranger. Here’s how it all went down…

I attended this wedding all by myself, but I decided date or not, I was going to have a blast while celebrating this wonderful union. After the cocktail hour, I walked into the ballroom trying to figure out where I would be seating, when I noticed I knew one person on my table. I was excited that at least I wouldn’t be silent throughout the whole event. I sat at my table and patiently waited for a familiar face and finally there she was.

The reception began and I was having fun, when I noticed the MC carrying out some chairs to the dance floor. “Must be the shoe game”, I thought but little did I know things were about to go in a completely different direction. Usually the shoe games requires only 2 chairs, one for the bride and the other for the groom, but why o why where there 4 chairs; 3 facing one direction and 1 facing the opposite direction.

“What in the world is going on here? There is no way this is about to happen. This girl wouldn’t dear play this game at her wedding. The dating game, seriously? O no! She better not pick me! She wouldn’t put me on the spot like that.” All these thoughts raced through my mind and then the MC announced the game. I began to panic because knowing my friend, I knew I was a few seconds from hearing my name being called out as a contestant.

“Seye”….Yep! There goes my name.” I gracefully stood up and approached the dance floor and the spot light followed me to my seat. Not only was I a contestant in this game, but there were over 300 strangers who would be watching as well.

Question 1– Where in the world would you travel to if you could right now?

“That’s easy”, I thought, “Tokyo, Japan”. I’ve always been very fascinated by that place.

Question 2– Can you cook, and if yes, what is your favorite dish?

“Uh Oh”! Not only do I not cook but I was about to tell a room full of NIGERIAN strangers that as a young Nigerian female, I do not cook. This whole situation was embarrassing enough but it would only get worse, so I decided to have fun with my answer. The first 2 contestants went on and on about their amazing cooking skills and then the answer popped into my head. Instead of further embarrassing myself, I decided why not show some humor and my fun personality.

“What is your definition of cooking? Boiling water, making cereal?” I answered and the whole room laughed hysterically. “I have an advanced pallet so I like to enjoy meals from other countries. You know Thai, Chinese, Sushi, Jamaican. You can’t always eat Nigerian food. I enjoy branching out!”  After answering that question I was sure there was no chance this bachelor would consider dating a Nigerian woman who didn’t cook.

Question 3– What do you look for in a husband?

“Oh this is easy, God!” That was my thought until the MC said “We all know God is important ladies, no need to go that route”. God is the most important part of my life and although the MC had made his statement, I was sure that was the answer I would still give.

“A man who not only knows God, but God knows him too! I want a man who is walking and working in his God ordained purpose and living out his life in the will of God”. The whole room started clapping. “O no! They like me, they really like me”, I thought as the MC mentioned it would be time for the mystery dater to choose a contestant.

“Contestant number 1” the MC said as the guest began to clap. I clapped and cheered too because I didn’t want him to pick me.

“Contestant number 2”. I cheered even louder because she was a lovely lady and I thought she should win.

Finally it was my turn. While attempting to say Contestant number 3, I noticed a group of women jump to their feet cheering really loudly. The whole room cheered and clapped. I was shocked! “Wow, he’s going to pick me. No this was not the plan!”

“So chairman, who do you pick?” The MC said.

“Contestant number 3!”

Not only was I shocked and slightly embarrassed, I was also somewhat excited because it showed me that the ability to cook is not as important as I thought.

The young man walked towards me and gave me a hug. Not only did I win this game, but the couple decided they would be sponsoring the date.

The rest of the night was filled with dancing and a lot of attention from people telling me to enjoy my date and give the young man a chance. Although it wasn’t the way I expected my night to turn out, I still had a blast and met some really cool new people.

Congratulations to the bride and groom. Many blessings in your marriage!

Cheers!

-MzB