Friendship…

Friendship…

No new friends… I hear that a lot. Many people talk about their friends and how loyal and awesome they are. They would rather stick to the friends they currently have than get to know new people and build new relationships. Nothing against my current friends but hellooo new people. I want to build as many lasting relationships as I can. There is so much of me I’m ready to give and share with the world. God has placed this desire in me to love on people and I’m excited to do just that. Meeting new people is wonderful but let’s be real, there is a significant difference between someone you know and an actual friend.

Let’s make it clear…

  1. If you can’t make fun of each other and laugh about it, that’s not your friend.
  2. If you’ve never had a fight before (not necessarily physically), that’s not your friend.
  3. Someone who agrees with everything you say, is not your friend.
  4. If you cannot be transparent with the person, and tell them your real problems… not fake surface problems… that’s not your friend!!
  5. If you only talk to them when you see them…. helloooooo can we say not your friend.
  6. If they don’t know your first, middle and last name…. not your friend!
  7. If you are both Christians and you can’t pray together or talk about God together…. NOPE!
  8. If you have to censor or filter yourself or just plain pretend to be something you’re not around this person… that is not your friend!
  9. If they only call you when they need or want something…not your friend!
  10. If they can’t check you or call you out on your foolish ways, let’s say it together… NOT YOUR FRIEND!!

A friendship is more than a surface when I see you, relationship. It is intentional. Like any other committed relationship, friendship is work! It is not something you just fall into. Friends hold each other accountable, friends check on each other. Friends look out for each other and celebrate each other. A friend will call you out when you are heading down a destructive path. Friends talk outside of social media. Because you go back on forth on Snapchat, doesn’t mean you are friends… you are merely snap-chatters lol. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with knowing people or having acquaintances, but can we stop giving the friend title to people that don’t deserve the title or even want the title. It will help us not get as disappointed when people don’t do things you expect your friends to do.

So as we all round up this year, let’s evaluate our friendships. Are we being good friends to the people we call are friends? Are we in relationships we think are friendships but are actually just I-know-youships. Like I said earlier, nothing wrong with those relationships, but make sure you have a better understanding of the relationships you are in.

Cheers to new friends in 2018!

-MzB

P.S. if you don’t have a bestie, get yourself one…. Mine is the bestest! Love you Oyks!

Are you Content?

Are you Content?

“A fickle heart lusts after what it doesn’t have”.

Contentment… what is it? Well let’s talk about it.

I am currently reading a devotional by John Bevere, called Killing Kryptonite  and one of the devotions talked about contentment in God. So what is contentment, well according to the dictionary it is “a state of happiness and satisfaction”. To me contentment is being happy with what you have, who you are, and where you currently are in life. For the past few years, this is something that I have truly struggled with, but God is showing me daily, reasons why I should be grateful and content.

In this world of social media, I can understand how difficult it is to be content. The highlights of people’s lives surround us so much, that we can’t help but compare our lives to everyone else’s. For me, comparing my “boring” life to the “exciting” lives of others was a daily struggle. My friends and family members were getting married, having babies, going on trips, enjoying amazing jobs but it just seemed like my life was not that exciting, even though it was. Why was I not where I had planned I would be?

I always had an idea of how I thought my life would turn out, but God has shown me that His plans are not my plans. But just for humor and transparency sake, here was my timeline:

  • Graduate college at 21- that didn’t happen – ENGINEERING!
  • Work as a consultant and travel the world – NOPE
  • Marry at 25 – Hahahahaha, NOPE!
  • 4 kids by 30- only chance of this happening is if I have 4 kids in the next 2 years and I’m currently single! LOL
  • Start my own business while working and retire from the workforce by 35 – With God on my side… this is definitely POSSIBLE and I know I’m on the right path….

You see, we tend to have these plans that we make for ourselves but we always forget that our maker created us for a purpose so we have to include Him in everything. Also, His ways are not our ways and His plans are definitely not like our plans. The best part about His plans are that they are for our good- Jeremiah 29:11.

The best part about being able to look back at my 18 year old self and laugh is that although I’m no where near what I thought my life would look like, I’m definitely in the best place I could possibly be because I’m in the center of God’s will and His plans for my life and I am sure of it. All these plans I had for myself were all self-centered and not God centered. I was so focused on what I wanted for me, that I didn’t think about what God could want for me.

So am I content? Well, I am learning to be grateful to God for EVERYTHING; good and bad. I am learning that to be content I have to be grateful. I am learning that contentment is a choice. How can you be happy and satisfied with your life if you are not thankful for the things that you do have? Also, our contentment is rooted in loving yourself and in the love of God. It is knowing that God is enough, no matter we lack! Being truly content causes us to live in the abundance of God’s love, a place where you can’t help but just be grateful.

Lots of Love

-MzB

Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

 

Happy Moversary to Me!

Happy Moversary to Me!

And just like that I have lived in Maryland for 4 months. I can’t believe how much time truly flies when you’re having fun! Well that’s what everyone seems to say, and since time isn’t crawling, I’m definitely having a blast!

Looking back at these 4 months, I have gained so much knowledge and learned a lot about myself. For those who know me, moving to Maryland was a huge deal for me. I have wanted to move here for the past 11 years but God was just not having it. I applied to college in MD, I looked for jobs in Maryland, I even thought about marrying someone in Maryland but God was teaching me how to be patient and wait for his time.

After living here for the past 4 months, I’m not so sure what I thought was so special about this state lol, but it sure isn’t as magical as I thought, well on some days it isn’t. You see I lived in a state that I thought drove me crazy. I worked at a job I hated and lived in a town I barely did anything in. (fyi i lived there for 13 years and have no clue who my neighbors are -_-). I was so desperate to leave this very boring place where nothing happened. Now that I look back, the only boring thing about that place was me.

In just a few short months in Maryland, one thing God has shown me is a very clear reflection of myself.  He has shown me how much I am loved, how much He thinks of and cares for me. You see sometimes God holds us back from  certain things to save us from ourselves and protect us. What we see as a denial or rejection, is just God looking out for us. I can only imagine what my life would have been like if I moved to Maryland earlier, but I’m glad it happened at God’s right time.

Things I’ve re-learned in these few months:

  • Never rush anything. Things will work out when it’s the best time for you!
  • Enjoy your days. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Take chances, dare to dream. Go on an adventure. Live life to the fullest each and every single day.
  • What is for you, will be yours eventually. Nothing can stop or hinder God’s plans for you, so just be patient and have faith. You might not see it now, but God is always working!
  • The rejections of today do not affect God’s plans for your tomorrow!
  • Rejection is God’s protection 
  • Delay is most certainly not a denial.
  • While you’re in life’s waiting room, develop yourself! PREPARE for what ever is next. Don’t just wait idly, do something. Be productive.

So I say all this to say, live your life, don’t let your life live you. Lol that sounds like such a cliché but it is so true. Many people let life pass them by while they waste away waiting for the next phase of their lives. Enjoy all the seconds and moments of everyday. Don’t wait for this magical next place, next step, new place, new status, new phase to come before you start doing all the great things you have dreamed up in your heads. Enjoy the now!

Lots of Love!

-MzB

P.S. Maryland is making me fat! I hate the idea of brunch…. no really why o why must we eat at delicious brunch spots all the time. Who ever louded the idea of brunch should be smacked. Oh &Pizza is just horribly delicious. 😦

 

The Wedding Dating Game

The Wedding Dating Game

So I recently attended my friend’s wedding and during her reception she decided it would be o so fun to try to play matchmaker. I mean think about it, she’s in love and she wants others to feel what she’s feeling so why not. I guess I should have known this would happen, because this lovely lady enjoys playing matchmaker. You’re probably thinking it doesn’t sound so bad, well it doesn’t, unless you’re one of the single ladies competing for a date with a stranger. Here’s how it all went down…

I attended this wedding all by myself, but I decided date or not, I was going to have a blast while celebrating this wonderful union. After the cocktail hour, I walked into the ballroom trying to figure out where I would be seating, when I noticed I knew one person on my table. I was excited that at least I wouldn’t be silent throughout the whole event. I sat at my table and patiently waited for a familiar face and finally there she was.

The reception began and I was having fun, when I noticed the MC carrying out some chairs to the dance floor. “Must be the shoe game”, I thought but little did I know things were about to go in a completely different direction. Usually the shoe games requires only 2 chairs, one for the bride and the other for the groom, but why o why where there 4 chairs; 3 facing one direction and 1 facing the opposite direction.

“What in the world is going on here? There is no way this is about to happen. This girl wouldn’t dear play this game at her wedding. The dating game, seriously? O no! She better not pick me! She wouldn’t put me on the spot like that.” All these thoughts raced through my mind and then the MC announced the game. I began to panic because knowing my friend, I knew I was a few seconds from hearing my name being called out as a contestant.

“Seye”….Yep! There goes my name.” I gracefully stood up and approached the dance floor and the spot light followed me to my seat. Not only was I a contestant in this game, but there were over 300 strangers who would be watching as well.

Question 1– Where in the world would you travel to if you could right now?

“That’s easy”, I thought, “Tokyo, Japan”. I’ve always been very fascinated by that place.

Question 2– Can you cook, and if yes, what is your favorite dish?

“Uh Oh”! Not only do I not cook but I was about to tell a room full of NIGERIAN strangers that as a young Nigerian female, I do not cook. This whole situation was embarrassing enough but it would only get worse, so I decided to have fun with my answer. The first 2 contestants went on and on about their amazing cooking skills and then the answer popped into my head. Instead of further embarrassing myself, I decided why not show some humor and my fun personality.

“What is your definition of cooking? Boiling water, making cereal?” I answered and the whole room laughed hysterically. “I have an advanced pallet so I like to enjoy meals from other countries. You know Thai, Chinese, Sushi, Jamaican. You can’t always eat Nigerian food. I enjoy branching out!”  After answering that question I was sure there was no chance this bachelor would consider dating a Nigerian woman who didn’t cook.

Question 3– What do you look for in a husband?

“Oh this is easy, God!” That was my thought until the MC said “We all know God is important ladies, no need to go that route”. God is the most important part of my life and although the MC had made his statement, I was sure that was the answer I would still give.

“A man who not only knows God, but God knows him too! I want a man who is walking and working in his God ordained purpose and living out his life in the will of God”. The whole room started clapping. “O no! They like me, they really like me”, I thought as the MC mentioned it would be time for the mystery dater to choose a contestant.

“Contestant number 1” the MC said as the guest began to clap. I clapped and cheered too because I didn’t want him to pick me.

“Contestant number 2”. I cheered even louder because she was a lovely lady and I thought she should win.

Finally it was my turn. While attempting to say Contestant number 3, I noticed a group of women jump to their feet cheering really loudly. The whole room cheered and clapped. I was shocked! “Wow, he’s going to pick me. No this was not the plan!”

“So chairman, who do you pick?” The MC said.

“Contestant number 3!”

Not only was I shocked and slightly embarrassed, I was also somewhat excited because it showed me that the ability to cook is not as important as I thought.

The young man walked towards me and gave me a hug. Not only did I win this game, but the couple decided they would be sponsoring the date.

The rest of the night was filled with dancing and a lot of attention from people telling me to enjoy my date and give the young man a chance. Although it wasn’t the way I expected my night to turn out, I still had a blast and met some really cool new people.

Congratulations to the bride and groom. Many blessings in your marriage!

Cheers!

-MzB

 

Live Loved

Live Loved

 

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Live loved…. What exactly does that mean.

Well, I’ve been going through this love journey lately. What is love? Do you I feel loved? Do i understand love? How do you show love? What does love look like? While on this journey of love discovery, I stumbled upon a book. Well, I didn’t exactly stumble upon it, but my cousin told me about it, and now I am beyond grateful to her for changing my life.

What does living loved look like…. I’m still figuring it out but I know that I think less about what others think of me and focus more on what God thinks of me and what I think of me. Have you every walked into a room and thought “every one is staring at me”. “Why are they making faces at me?” Well, sorry to burst your bubble sweetheart, but as much as you think everyone is worried about you, everyone else also thinks everyone is worried about them. In reality, we are all just worrying about ourselves and not necessarily about the other people in the room. Lots of worrying going on right? The fact is, NO ONE is really WORRIED ABOUT YOU!!!! We need to get out of our own heads and stop projecting our feelings of rejection and insecurities on other people who might OR might not even care. We are probably all a bunch of selfish human beings focused on ourselves that we actually don’t have time to care much about others…. sad right?

So what is Living loved, it is walking in God’s love every moment of everyday and bringing in that love into every situation and place we find ourselves. We should be adding in a little piece of beautiful every where we go. Lysa TerKeurst or as I like to call her now, Auntie Lysa, discusses this journey of living loved in the book Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely. This book has not only changed my outlook on life and how I see myself, but it reminds me that we are all a bunch of broken people who just want to be loved. Whether its eros love, philia love or just any old kind of love, we all just need some love in our lives. Until we can get past our past rejections and pain and choose to live in the abundance of love God has placed on us, we will continue to feel #uninvited.

For more information on the book, click here  !

Lots of Love!

-MzB

Engagement Season is upon us!

Engagement Season is upon us!

engagement

Whether you are waiting to receive a ring or planning a proposal, engagement season is one of the most exciting periods of the year. As the year comes to an end, many look forward to New Year resolutions and gift shopping, while others are on the edge of their seats waiting for the moment she says yes, or he proposes.

I recently saw a video of a couple who got engaged then married on the same day, sounds like a lot right? But I would actually love that! Imagine not going through the task of planning your own wedding, picking color schemes, dealing with crazy bridesmaids or parent drama or calling millions of vendors and cake tasting, well that’s the fun part. Just imagine jumping from yes I will…. to yes I do! Huge leap right? Well it sounds just perfect to me.

So after watching that video, I actually thought about how that would work out in my life. I’m thefirst daughter of a Nigerian Pastor, so for those of you who are not familiar, let me explain what that means. First of all, the idea of a small wedding is automatically out the window because not only do I have a huge family and friends to consider, I now have church members and lots of pastors to include. I always wanted a wedding of about 100 guests but NOPE, let’s just say I’ll be lucky if I can get less than 300.

Next, not only would I have to cater to both families and extended families and all the different opinions and personalities, but I would be doing this while planning 3 events… YES, 3 EVENTS! The family Introduction, Traditional Wedding, Wedding Ceremony and I guess the Reception counts too… so that’s actually 4. Finally, with all these events come not just 1 dress but about 5 or 6 different outfits and colors, and let’s not forget about Aso Ebi. What is Aso Ebi you might ask, it is a “uniform” that is traditionally worn in Nigeria and some West African cultures as an indicator of cooperation and solidarity during ceremonies and festive periods. [1]

So, what do I mean by colors?

Well, for the average bride, she probably picks 2-3 colors for the entire wedding. For example, navy blue and pink with maybe gold or silver accents for décor. For a Nigerian bride, I have to think of colors to wear for the family introduction, colors for both outfits that the bride and groom will wear for the traditional wedding. Then there’s the groom’s family aso ebi colors, and bride’s family aso ebi colors and let’s not forget the friends of the couple’s aso ebi colors… and yes that’s just for the traditional wedding. Then there’s the wedding ceremony colors for décor, and bridesmaids’ dresses and flowers as well as all the different aso ebi groups again. The thought of picking all these colors is already overwhelming, hence my dream of getting engaged then married on the same day. Why not have my groom worry about all this, while I continue to enjoy my life stress-free.

So what do I think when I hear engagement season is right around the color, I picture myself in a room surrounded by thousands of color swatches and screaming family members saying “pick this one”.  My only saving grace…. I love weddings and I am a wedding planner, so I’ve being doing this for years… so bring on the color wheel.

Congratulations to all the soon to be the engaged couples!

-MzB

1. Olukoju, A.. (1992). Maritime Trade in Lagos in the Aftermath of the First World War. African Economic History, (20), 119–135.