Transparency. One word not a lot of people seem to be fond of. Well like everyone else, I struggle with transparency. Up until recently, I liked to consider myself an open book. I thought because I tell people part of who I am, it meant I was open. Well lately I have learned that transparency without vulnerability is no transparency at all.
For the past six weeks, I cohosted a connect group with a friend of mine. Myself along with 18-20 other people met on a regular basis to discuss singleness, dating and healthy relationships. Throughout the course of these weeks, I quickly learned that people will only open up to you when you learn to be vulnerable and transparent with them.
Like everyone else in the world, I have a past but my story is one of redemption. You see I have been through hurt, rejection, abuse, heartbreak and many other things that are only a part of who I am today but do not define me. Learning to embrace my journey gives me the strength I have to live life to its fullest. The love of Christ teaches me to surrender my past to the only one who gives me hope for the future.
In these past weeks I have learned that my past does not define my future. I have learned that being open and vulnerable provides me with the opportunity to get hurt but I must decide if I will allow people to use my past as a weapon to hurt me. You see you decide if you will be offended by how others view or digest your past. My wise friend once said, offense is a choice. If I share who I am and you people react a certain way, I can choose to be offended or not. Your past is yours and what people think about it does not matter.
So, when it comes to transparency remember that your level of transparency should not be determined by how people will react or what people will think. What people think doesn’t matter… what matters is what God says and knows about you! Your security in Christ should allow you do life with others without any fears or worries. Do not let anyone’s potential opinions of you force you into a walking around with a mask on. Live your life. You were set free when Jesus died for your sins.
Lots of Love ❤
I used to think I was the only person in the world who disliked the dating process but recently I’ve been meeting people who share my exact feelings towards this very awkward phase of life. The whole thing just stresses me out. Getting to know someone new or old, asking questions and sharing your life knowing that everything you say will and can be used against you, it’s extremely uncomfortable. Well I’m officially sick of it…kinda. Not because I’m a serial dater or anything but because the whole idea of getting to know someone and not knowing if they have the right intentions is just draining.
So, what makes it draining you might ask… well my issue is the lack of sincerity and the pretense. I wish people would just be 100% vulnerable and honest all the time. Like let’s imagine what dating and relationships would look like if we didn’t care to sell ourselves to a potential boo but instead were just 100% honest. What’s the point of providing a false impression of yourself while trying to get to know someone else? How exactly does that help either of you?
Also, what’s your reason for even dating in the first place? The lack of being intentional just seriously blows my mind. I do not understand why people waste their time wasting time. If you’re not interested… keep it moving. If you don’t know what you want… keep it moving. Don’t go searching for a job you’re not ready to have.
The thing is, I think dating should be more like an interview and less like elections. Imagine yourself as a fortune 500 company looking to hire a CEO. You want someone who is qualified for the job but also open to learning about and effectively running your company. On the other hand, like the elections, we act like politicians who say the right things and make empty promises trying to convince everyone else that we’re the “right choice.” We should be looking for the best person to achieve our goals with not convincing somebody that we’re worth their time.
Trying to sell yourself to another person should never be the goal in dating. Dating just to date and hanging out should not be the goal in dating. Dating should lead to marriage and why you marry is more important than who you marry. There should be a purpose for your marriage and I believe dating should be the process we use to find who will help us achieve our why.
Find your why and God will help you find the Who!
Lots of love!